A New Age, Life, and Spirit

I once heard someone ask, “If your life had a flavor, what would it be? If this moment, right here, right now, was an intangible bit of memory, how would you describe it to someone?”

This was months before I had started my sophomore year. With the help of poetry, I ultimately changed into an entirely different human being. This year was one of immeasurable artistic, academic, and personal accomplishments to the extent that pinpointing specific memories is a challenge to me. I am so thankful to be in such an amazing period of my life after so many months of hard work. I’ve never had this long of a “high point,” so all of this still feels new and exciting.

Before this year, I doubted my ability to study and get the grades I wanted in all my classes. Studying was a challenge for me, and sitting alone to try to take in information for long periods of time was nearly impossible. I would get stressed easily, give up, and let my work accumulate until it became overwhelming— until I made some changes to the way that I perceived ‘studying’ and ‘learning’.

Little did I know, this change of perspective would translate into other aspects of my life, too.

I began to take simple approaches to everything; processing information as if I was going to teach it to someone. This made studying for my AP classes, such as AP World History and AP English Language and Composition, easier to manage.  I definitely enjoyed it a lot more.

This perspective also allowed me to do one of the most gut-wrenching, scariest, and intimidating things ever— I delivered my Tedx talk, An Ode to the Unfinished Sentences of my Suicide Note, to a live audience and the internet. I felt empowered and entitled to my words for the first time in my life, and it was an unforgettable experience. I believed for once that I was finally coming forth about a dark secret I’ve had my entire life and could never vocalize, so my speech felt genuine and raw. And that was my intent— to speak only the truth, the dirty, the horrific. The response was overwhelmingly positive, and I couldn’t be more grateful.

I also became a published author when my poem, Dogs, was featured in, The Truth Is, a yearly poetry anthology created and published by Page 15 and Burrow Press. The feeling of the paper, seeing the dark ink, holding it in my hand— it all feels like a dream. It was truly one of the best moments of my life when I stood before an audience of readers, publishers, and fellow artists and delivered my poem on masculinity in today’s society. I have always been an outspoken person, both in my truth and my inclinations, so this was a huge step forward for me.

I am garnering an audience and a platform, for my art, and it feels surreal.

Sophomore year, you were so good to me. I never believed that anyone could change as much as I have, both in the way I perceive the world and the way I live on it, and I am still trying to figure out how that could be. Every day is another experience, another lesson, another beautiful step from the black and blue into the wickedly golden, the devastatingly fluorescent.

Perhaps this moment is best described in more than just a flavor. Maybe this time of my life is just a lingering presence, with an aftertaste that remains forever.

That would be fine with me.